I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.
There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…
But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.
ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?
How are you stuck?
Unless you’re literally a slave (which I doubt), the only way one could be “stuck” in a job is because we live in a capitalist society where you need employment to survive. I had a miserable job a few months ago, to the point where suicidal thoughts I hadn’t had in a while crept back up. I just quit. Even if that meant uncertainty with regards to housing/groceries (I still haven’t found a job and not going to lie, shit’s a bit rough right now).
If you’re thinking of killing yourself anyway, why not quit? Why not drastically change your life? What have you got to lose? Surely not your will to live. Either you’re going to be miserable (which it sounds like you’re already there) or maybe things will eventually get better. Either way, you’re not going to get much lower morale than being suicidal.
Best of luck to you, I hope you figure out a way to see yourself out of this. For what it’s worth, this internet stranger believes in you. Hope to see you tomorrow.