I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.

There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…

But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.

ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?

  • tygerprints
    2•3 months ago

    I agree that for some people, suicide is actually a best option. This is JUST my own opinion. If you’ve considered it well, and you understand what you’re doing, why should it not be a choice? If we had a truly human culture, we WOULD have suicide booths (or at least clinics) for adults of a certain age who meet certain criteria and have thought their decision out thoroughly.

    That said, I’ve wrestled with those same thoughts and feelings when I was younger. Now I’m 60 and nothing could convince me to commit suicide; not just because I’m a lot closer to the grave anyway. But because it’s taken me decades to see and love the value in being myself.

    I did have to walk away from some truly abhorrent jobs, even at the risk of losing money. And I learned to make more time for the things I enjoy. It’s been a process, there isn’t a simple magic solution. Consultation with a therapist is very helpful, and can put you back on the right track.

    When you are deathly ill, you go see a doctor to get cured. The same should be true for when your mind is ill and upset. Get some good help, and be OK with fighting for your right to feel good. It’s not really about who might miss you when you’re gone, that’s not the right reason to avoid suicide. It’s because no matter who might or might not miss you, you have your own intrinsic value and worth that needs discovering.