So you’ve read the title, let’s get some bullet point info out of the way:

• I’m pan and mostly cis, my partner knows this.
• My partner is a bi cis woman.
• We’re monogamous but have talked a little here and there about whether we’d want to open it up one day.
• She knows I’m switchy and like butt stuff.
• She does not know I crossdress and am into chastity + light exhibitionism.
• I don’t flirt with people on here, I just post pics of myself.
• I have an anxiety disorder and one of the ways it manifests is an aversion to intimate conversations (she knows this).
• This is not the first account I’ve had/first time I’ve posted pics online/etc.

I know this may not be the best place for moral discussions but it feels like my best bet. I’ve been worried about this in the past, but we’re taking steps to broaden our sexual horizons together and I think there’s a chance we may eventually get to this topic. So if we got to the point of “I want to post pictures from a session online” and I mentioned having this account and she saw it existed for a year or so, well… I can see that being a difficult thing to react to.

At the same time, though, this has really helped me gain confidence and feel like I can actually open this side of myself up to her, which I want to do! I’m just scared of rejection and our relationship is more important than any kinky stuff.

I think an important note is that I don’t consider anything I’ve done “cheating” or anywhere in that territory. I’m not out here sexting or sending private pics, I leave compliments for others and thank people for their compliments on me. But I could also completely understand someone being unhappy their partner was doing it without their knowledge.

I know one of the answers to this is, of course, “talk to her” but this is way too much to throw out all at once. Deleting it all and not telling her would be an option, but I do think it would continue to weigh on my conscience.

So my questions would be:

1. Have I screwed myself (no pun intended) and the relationship by not telling her?
2. If your partner did something similar (with my same hard boundaries about flirting), how would you feel?
3. Any tips on how to bring this up?

UPDATE MAY 20 For anyone hopping back to this thread. I still haven’t told her properly about the account, but I have taken some huge steps.

• We now do chastity stuff and had a very good, long talk about our D/S dynamic.
• In said long talk, I did bring up the possibility of posting photos online.
• In said long talk, she mentioned that she subscribes to the GentleFemdom subreddit which I did not expect but was very turned on by.
• She has now seen me in my lacy bodysuit, and we’ve talked about putting me in lacy panties sometimes.
• She even asked whether I got the bodysuit from a male or unisex section, to which I said “I don’t think it was marketed as unisex but I don’t care, I just wanted to try it out” and got a good response.

I know it took longer than some folks in this thread advised, and obviously it’s not done yet, but I’m pleased at how things have played out. And thankful again for the advice!