“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
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If you don’t like anything that sounds like depression. Or just… I can’t say this nicely… Really boring? Why would I want to hang out with someone who has no interests , hobbies, or passions? Nevermind go on a date with them.
I dunno, my mother married a boring man for 11 years. Why not me? Then she re married another boring man, less responsible and with alcoholic problems. Again, why not me?
Was he boring to her? Were they happy?
Is what your parents had what you’re aiming for?
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So then he wasn’t boring to her and they ran into other issues…
No, my father always had been the same
Get this - if they don’t have similar interests it probably wasn’t going to work anyway.
If you don’t like anything, never go out, how would somebody every get to meet and know you? And I don’t mean go out partying or anything, I mean literally go out.
I dunno. But I can’t force myself to become something I don’t wanna be. What’s worse being a shut in or being miserable outside faking a smile when you’re suffering and cringing thinking “why I’m here?”
I went out to the park, movies, arcades alone for years. I’m done, if the world hates me this much then there’s nothing I can do about it.
Those are things that you can do alone. Do some things that you CAN’T do alone. Interact with people. A league. A club. A help group. Anything that isn’t solitary.
It’s good to have an idea of what you’re doing when you’re talking to someone, other than “trying to get laid” lol.
Listen when others are talking to you (MEN & WOMEN! you need the practice) for something personal they’re sharing. Try to ask a short follow-up question that allows them to elaborate.
While they’re talking just say something innocuous like “okay” so they know your there but you’re not interrupting. Let them talk. Nobody lets other people talk these days. We pay therapists so that someone will listen to us.
You’ll be a breath of fresh air if you listen to people. Treat their story like a privilege, because it is. The more they say to you, the more trust they are investing in you. So be worthy of it. And don’t worry about the end result.
Getting laid is what happens when you’re focused on someone else, not yourself.
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PS. It’s okay to be boring, but don’t be bored when people are talking to you.
I am an existentialist. Existence precedes essence.
I believe meaning is created in the world, it’s something we must make. I do not believe meaning is provided for us.
According to Friedrich Nietzsche, “He who has a WHY to live can bear almost any HOW.” We must determine the WHY. For Victor Frankel in “Man’s Search For Meaning,” the why was to survive the Nazi death camp and be reunited with his wife who was in another death camp.
We all must have our WHY, or we drift aimlessly through life. But the good things is, we are not meant to FIND the WHY, we are meant to CREATE it.
It doesn’t sound like you hate going out, just being alone. Being out alone can suck, but the loneliness can’t be fixed without effort.
There’s a lot you can do about it, but you seem intent on not doing any of it.
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Why not? Why do you deserve friends and companionship without doing the slightest bit of work?
Loving someone requires effort already. I don’t ask anything else, I don’t ask you to like videogames or being into the music I like. I don’t ask you to be generically attractive or to drag you into knowing my family. Why should you do the same to me?
That doesn’t answer why you deserve a relationship when you’re not putting effort in.
I already said it requires effort.
What do you love about someone? And what effort do you put in?
And if you are trying to be in a relationship, especially a long term one, and you don’t want to meet their family, that’s gonna be a no from like 99% of people
There are very few people who are gonna marry someone who does not take any interest in their life, their family, or their friends.
things will get better again, my friend. keep your pride to yourself, if you’re too afraid to show it, but keep it anyways.
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You’re talking with people right now. That is all we’re saying - find a group of people and just talk.
Well, I think we’re people. Can never be sure.
Dude. Online interactions like these don’t count at all. Anonymously being here protect us all from harm. I don’t consider this a social activity at all. And it won’t affect my real life
Im curious - what do you think tinder (or grindr) start from? Pics sure, but after that?
What, those apps that never work and ask you for a lot of money? Also they sell your info and I don’t feel like putting my face online.
Who is this us you speak of? Do you have zero interests in life? Nothing that you like doing? If that is the case, that really does sound like depression and I hope you are able to get help for it