Bonus points if someone warned you and you went ahead anyway.
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Before you share unasked for information with someone consider these two points:
- Is this a teachable moment?
- Does this person want to be taught?
If the answer is No to either one or both, keep to yourself.
In related news: Sometimes people want to vent, sometimes they want solutions. If you don’t know which one is needed it’s okay to ask!
There’s actually a 3 question test for this.
- Does this need to be said?
- Does this need to be said by me?
- Does this need to be said by me right now?
it was explained to me one time as W.A.I.T
Why
Am
I
Talking
This is all great advice that unfortunately I will not be able to take.
You forgot number 4:
- Will this person spread this misinformation to others?
Don’t speak just to speak, speak for a purpose.
That’s sensible advice - often, sharing the info sounds like “I assume that you’re an ignorant, so let me enlighten you little thing”. And/or fails to take into account relevant, but unmentioned details.
However, when discussing in public (like here), and in more general grounds, there’s a complicating factor - the audience. Often what you say might not be useful to the person whom you’re replying to, but it might still be for someone else.
Regarding the venting sometimes people don’t want a solution they just want to vent.
That’s the point.
I feel called out D:
If you feel like you are walking on eggshells every day with your partner you are at best with the wrong person. More likely you are being abused. No, they will not improve. You can try any number of strategies for conflict resolution but the horrors will persist.
That’s also true for friends or close enough acquaintances
I was in this picture, and I still don’t like it.
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As I like to say:
Take me as I am or fuck off.
(Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work on yourself if you have good reasons to become a “better you”.)
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Also, knowing the right people. Of all my positions, only two did I get by being the best unknown applicant. One was a job setting up private care medical services for the VA. The other was a research assistant position in my Master’s program^1 . All the rest were by people that knew me, so they recruited me specifically. Of course I had to be a good performer to be recruited, but they still knew me before applying.
1: While it wasn’t stated, I think that I got the position in part because they were interested in hiring a gay man for diversity purposes. This was in the 2000s, and the writing sample I submitted with my application was a sociology term paper arguing for LGBTQ rights, so they assumed I was gay. I still had to have an extraordinary application to be considered, but the likely chose me from among the top applicants for my supposed gayness. The thing is that I’m not gay or bi, so I kind of felt bad about it once I started thinking that’s why they recruited me 😕
Thinking about my career, I think you’re right. Of the industry jobs I’ve had, only 1 of them I got without knowing someone in the company or being referred to the company by a mutual 3rd party.
Ironically, the job I got on my own is the best paying by far.
That just because someone treats you better than you’ve ever been treated before, does NOT mean that they are treating you WELL.
If you were bullied or abused as a kid, do some actual reading about what’s normal and healthy, and get out of a situation immediately if there are any even slightly concerning signs. No second chances, no guilt, no self blame, just go.
I learned this for work, too.
Added to that: your company will let you go without warning. If they’ve proved this, then they deserve nothing better. Since then I have ab-sol-ute-ly no qualms about bailing without warning.
Right‽
2 jobs ago, I left with essentially 3 days warning because I was fucking miserable (this gave me a week off between jobs).
The last job I left, I negotiated a 3 week gap, so I’d be able to give a two-week notice AND take a week off because I genuinely liked the job and the people I was working with, but I fell into an opportunity too good to pass up.
A super important life lesson is to always put yourself and your mental health before the company.
I got some life advice somewhere, I don’t remember where, that was essentially: Don’t craft a well-thought-out argument against somebody that John Brown would have shot AND never give two weeks notice to a company that makes you miserable and it has been life changing.
Don’t craft a well-thought-out argument against somebody that John Brown would have shot AND never give two weeks notice to a company that makes you miserable and it has been life changing.
That is amazing advice, and I will try and fail to put the first to good use here on lemmy with these fucking trolls.
A super important life lesson is to always put yourself and your mental health before the company.
This should be the norm. Companies usually don’t care enough about you. They try to nurture loyalty in order to keep wages down while a few up in the hierarchy reap most of the rewards of your hard work.
If you were lying in the death bed, you probably wouldn’t look back and think: “oh gee, I wish I would’ve worked more!”
So always put yourself first over some company.
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They also don’t give a shit if you’re truly innocent or guilty. They just want the case to be as easy as possible while also establishing their effectiveness so they can join a wealthy private law firm.
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Despite how you feel and what experts and friends tell you, you might be seriously struggling with mental health. One stiff breeze and the stack of cards comes tumbling down.
If your spouse is near comatose but is still arguing he doesn’t need to go to the hospital, it means he’s in diabetic ketoacidosis and you need to call an ambulance no matter how stubborn he’s being despite not being able to keep his eyes open.
That if you’re happier alone, you should stay that way.
Heck yes. You do you!
Way too many people tried to tell me what’s supposedly good for me. But in the end the best decision I made was to stop listening
If you don’t feel it, don’t do it. Some injuries don’t heal right, and many of the hobbies I enjoy have a pretty damned high risk factor. Almost every single time I’ve had a serious injury, that little voice was telling me “This one might not end well”, and I went for it anyway.
I could have walked away, called it a day, and come back another time. It wasn’t a contest, I was just out filming a few tricks for my “You’re turning 40 and still doing it” video. Didn’t stretch, didn’t warm up, and my over enthusiastic filmer was all “Try this, do that”. Ended up collapsing my knee and fully tearing my MCL.
Between that and a few neck and back fractures over the years, my mobility and flexibility are pretty well shot. There are things I just can’t do anymore.
Sure I still skate, and am amazed just how much I can still get away with, but now every minute on the board includes a constant “Is this safe? Is this worth it?” chant.
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I just don’t fall that way on a skateboard, so I never wear one, though knee pads are a must.
I will never ever ride a snowboard without a helmet. I’ll ride a motorcycle without a helmet before I’ll ride a snowboard without one.
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Oh, that’s the dream. #n24swd
You get a bigger raise by just getting a new job.
And…
HR is there to protect the company, not you.
It took me years of reading, talking, and thinking to break religious childhood indoctrination. Being able to let go of a fear of hell was a big step near the end I think.
A funny thing I found out about dwelling on negative emotions like fear and guilt is that it never helped me become a better person. Quite the opposite. Only by facing my issues head-on and forgiving myself if/when I screw up do I actually make progress. (Some religions would have us look ‘outside’ ourselves for forgiveness, but that always places our spiritual wellbeing on some unknowable other.)
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Don’t drink alcohol with a mood disorder, It might seem ok for a while, but it’s totally not.
Don’t drink alcohol.
This, exactly. But darn are some people pushy
