What qualities do you covet?
That I was as socially confident as other people seem to be, I don’t care if it’s all a facade, I want to be able to use the facade.
What helps me is knowing that everyone is fucking awkward.
I’ve met thousands upon thousands of people and I have never met anyone who is not socially awkward, just a lot of people who are socially skilled in different ways.
The people who don’t come across as awkward are the people who acknowledge their awkwardness and own it, who give themselves an opportunity to fumble with their awkwardness and to get used to it the same way you do with any other difficult thing like math or reading or studying or dance or games.
I said all of that to say, not being awkward is not a talent, it is a skill, and you can learn it.
Like with most skills, one becomes confident with practice.
I’m a natural introvert and an only child and therefore has little practice of taking to others. I had no idea of how important small talk is. I learned by working in a bar, where social interaction can’t really be dodged and found out that social interaction isn’t that daunting as it seemed to me.
It still not my biggest hobby yet I’m not longer afraid of social interaction like I used to be.
I wish I was happy. Not even all of the time, just some?
Ugh, I feel this. I’m just so done.
To not procrastinate.
I’ll comment on this later.
If it was me (which it was), I’d set a reminder and then every time I got a notification, I’d push it off until later. Also, I’d hate my(past)self for making the commitment to have to deal with the notifications.
Ugh, notifications to do something are the worst! My notification to pay my credit card comes up and I’m like, just leave me alone already! I’ll do it tomorrow!
I wish I were less anxious/self-conscious. It’s weird because outwardly almost no one knows that I am. I’m charismatic and easy to talk to, a natural leader in the workplace (I’ve managed now at every job I’ve held) and I’m a loving and supportive father. But deep down I’m still self-conscious as hell. I experience a lot of spotlight syndrome and I feel like I dress frumpy, walk weird, etc. I have a lot of social anxiety and think every situation/confrontation is going to be a worst-case scenario. Had to take 5 weeks off of work for a stress fracture and allowed myself to believe leading up to it that my (typically supportive) boss was going to be angry or petty or challenge me over it. He was extremely supportive and told me to just take the time off and not to worry about putting out the fires at work.
I don’t know how I conditioned myself to be like this. Probably a side-effecting of growing up fat and all the self-hate that came with it. I got rid of the fat a lot time ago, but I don’t think that shit ever really left me. Fortunately my daughter does not share my lack of confidence. That kid is miles ahead of her peers and I’m so proud of her.
Be able to draw fast. I’m hilariously slow at drawing 😂
Stay out of the wild West
I wish I was worth peoples’ time.
You are! The people that make you feel you aren’t, aren’t worth your time 😉
I sometimes wish I could be social without feeling mentally and physically drained.
Same, its always seems to take a toll no matter how well it goes or how much I like the others
Wish I could negotiate and haggle, I just don’t want to, it doesn’t feel good to me. I’d rather accept or refuse the offer and move on.
Do you tend to struggle with people pleasing as well or is it limited to negotiation?
It’s more to do with honesty. If the seller says it’s worth this much and that’s what they need to charge to cover their costs, then I would like to think that’s true because if it isn’t, they’re lying.
I think this might be where it comes from for me, too. If you say it’s with x, and I think it’s worth z, I don’t want to insult you or assume you’re trying to scam me by asking for x, but I also don’t want to pay much more than z.
The concept of some mystical “y” living in the middle is lost to me and it’s socially impossible to reach “y” without me calling you a scammer or you calling me cheap, so no deal will be made today.
Yes that’s exactly it!
Limited to negotiation.
Not having any signs or traits of being neurospicy
I feel that. I wish I was neurotypical, cis, and mentally well :(
I’m seeing that word come up moreadays. What do you mean by it?
It’s a tongue in cheek way of referring to neurodivergence. The same way that someone might refer to neurotypical as neurobland.
Its funny cuz I’m quite vanilla but I’m not neurovanilla
I wish I didn’t have an addictive personality. I just wanna be a casual heroin user, is that too much to ask for? I don’t want to sell my mom’s TV for another hit rather have a job and pay for my own scores. Ya know responsibly
I don’t think think its necessarily an addictive personality that makes one susceptible to heroin. Heroin (especially in the format its consumed) is basically pure pleasure/heaven all at once since all the RoA are all IV/snort/smoke, anyone would end up with a problem after like a week.
Can I ask what heroin seems to be acting as a balm or buffer for?
Good health. But alas.
Wish I wasn’t depressed and anxious so I could do what normal people seem to do normally every they meanwhile it takes me a week if I have better episode.
I wish I was more disciplined/focused.
Can you do it just for today?
I wish to know, what free will even is, and how it could be possible.
I seen a lot of people have this particular question and the question that I have for them is what isn’t free will?
On the religious side you’ve got the people who are saying God knows everything so he already knows what you’re going to do. On the science side you’ve got all humans are just chemicals in a hot dog casing.
My opinion is, either which way you look at it you are free to choose what you want to do.
Just because somebody can make you question the freedom of your choices does not mean that your choices are not born of free will.
Here’s my take, and you can do with it as you will.
We don’t have free will, how could we? We are, as you said, chemicals in a hot dog casing. When I see something I want to eat, it’s because chemicals tell me I’m hungry and it will provide sustenance. When I do something that I enjoy, and want to pursue, my brain is receiving chemicals that it enjoys, and tells me to continue doing actions that produce said chemicals. I can choose to do these things or not, but my choice in and of itself is determined by… more chemicals.
But why does it matter, if those chemicals also tell “me” that “me” is the one in charge?
It’s like the cave/ shadow metaphor (that I will poorly paraphrase and misuse); hold a chair in front of a candle, show me the shadow, call it a “table” for my entire life, and the first time I see a chair I will say, “so this is what a table looks like!” It doesn’t matter that it’s actually a chair, just like it doesn’t matter if I actually am making my choices. My reality (and your reality) is what I perceive and accept, and nothing more. Logically, I understand that when presented the choice between A and B, my body and the chemicals composing it are the ones “making” the decision, and I’m just acting it out. I get that. But if someone says, “do you want really want to watch The Lord of the Rings again?” I already know that the world has changed, because I feel it in the water, feel it in the earth, and smell it in the air.
And that’s my choice, chemicals be damned.
I mean, if you were mindless and hungry you would eat the first food that came your way.
But you are not mindless and so you choose whether to eat a sandwich or a burger or a pizza and what kind of sandwich or burger or pizza it is.
You can choose to abstain from eating to lose weight or for religious purposes.
There is a part of you that has choice and control.
And even if that is a bioelectric chemical process, it’s not always in charge, there is no one standing piece of you that is always entirely completely in control.
But there is always an observer. A sense of self.
And depending on the chemicals in your brain that observer will make different choices either positively or negatively for you as an entity.
You can look at it and say it is just chemical reactions but who is to say that Free Will is not a chemical reaction?
What if there are literal chemicals in your brain that can undergo their chemical processes in different ways based on the choices you make?
Would not that overall function be free will?
There’s this nice dialog that’s written by logician and taoist Raymund Smullyan that is about a man asking god to abscond him off free will. I will not spoil the plot but it has some great turns and offers insights on the absurdities and (im) possibilities of the desire not to have free will (and of talking to god).
It’s a long read, mind you but it may give you more insight on what you want to know about.
https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/godTaoist.html
Thank you for sharing this 🙏🏽 good read.
I wish I was persuasive
A really old book, how to win friends and influence people, can teach you this.
TBH I don’t want have to change at all, I’m just saying in the magic genie scenario I’d wish that people agreed with me
I’ve been recommended this book multiple times and it probably would help me, but I feel like I’d have to admit to myself that my goal is manipulation before picking it up, and I don’t want that to be my goal.
