- cross-posted to:
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- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
Summary
Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.
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At the time, Carlson says, he was asleep in bed with his wife – and four dogs.
I have an alternate theory about those claw marks…
Even Fido has had enough of his shit
Hopefully Fucker gets rabies
Good dog.
I watched that video, and had he just stuck to being suddenly awake and having claw marks I would have thought there was something odd. But he led with having four dogs in the bed, so when he said he had claw marks…dear lord, he’s either trying too hard to play to some niche audience, or he’s really that stupid. At least make the story sound plausible…we know you can lie, why didn’t you just leave off some details here to sell it better.
Ever since he got kicked off Fox, he’s been making the pivot to the hard right audience, which includes the narrative that they’re in a spiritual war against the literal devil.
It’s the same conspiracy-laden bullshit that Alex Jones pushes.
It’s Jon Stewart’s fault. Tucker never recovered from that jab about the bow tie.
And he never wore a bow tie after that. Lol.
If anything, Tucker needs another sit-down with JonHe’s been holding a towel on his rear-end ever since.
And we got Trump cause Obama roasted him so hard he was afraid no one would think he was white anymore.
Maybe ridiculing fascists isn’t the best way to treat them.
You’re correct, actually.
Yeah, I don’t know when “Trump ran for president because he was so thoroughly emasculated by Obama” and “You can’t shame the shameless out of fascism” became such hot takes.
You can shame them, just not for anything they should feel shamed about. Jabs about very facile facets of their masculinity? shamed. Dragged through the ringer because they are rapists? No shame.
i don’t understand how lemmy works. this meme obviously suggest killing fascists, which is in fact, the correct answer. but if i say “we should kill fascists” they’ll delete my comment. WTF? say it in a meme, because that’s somehow, different?
Ridiculing Fascists is the best way to treat them. They’re fragile little snowflakes and can not handle being the butt of the joke. Why do you think aside from journalists and politicians, comedians also get censored or imprisoned first when fascists take over?
So the problem with Trump is that he’s not being ridiculed enough? The orange-skinned, diaper wearing, wispy-pube-haired, tiny hands, mushroom dick, broke-ass billionaire wanna-be, so cheap he won’t even bother to have his suits tailored, neck-gina, “dumbest goddamn student I ever had”, can’t drink water, nuke hurricanes, salutes North Korean generals, paper towel throwing, bleach-drinking, UV light up the asshole, bigliest, yugliest, covfefe bunker bitch will go away if we just make fun of him?
If you think you can stop the fascist by calling him Mango Mussolini or Agolf Shitler more, fucking go for it. Comedians get imprisoned by fascists because they hurt their feelings- but that doesn’t stop fascism, or else they wouldn’t have ended up in prison.
Right, Trump’s fragile ego voted him into office 🤨
There are a lot of contributing factors. Obama making fun of him might have seen him run for office, but without all the enablers along the way carrying him on he would have collapsed a few steps in, fucked off to go eat a gourmet Happy Meal and told himself (and anyone in earshot) how brave and strong he is for running in the first place.
Ridicule may have lit the fuse, but the powder was there long before.
And he’s been Orange ever since.
There are better ways.
The dude used to wear a bow tie, unironically, and in public no less, so…
Bowties are cool.
The bowtie wasn’t the problem.
It’s the person that makes it uncool.
I’d argue that the fact that he stopped wearing the bowties when he was mocked for it says more about him than the bowties do.
It absolutely does. Jon knew it would have to be something low to get under his skin and he was right.
I’ve been rocking a bowtie for a while, and my wife loves it. Maybe it’s that his were clipons.
My dad wore a bowtie, looked very cool with it, and he also made a comment about people like Carlson: “you wish you could buy the son of a bitch for what he’s worth, then sell him for what he thinks he’s worth.”
It’s not the bowtie, it’s the smug, punchable face.
I bet it’s deliberate. Like a power play knowing his story is clearly bullshit but the morons he’s appealing to are believing it making him feel even more superior.
That’s also why Trump endlessly escalates his lies. It’s a flex.
Occam’s Razor? Naw, it’s gotta be Occam’s Jewish Space Laser.
We know his wife didn’t leave them in the throes of passion, that’s for sure
But a mistress that he’s trying to cover up? That’s plausible.
A dominatrix is also plausible
He brought the Bible into it so I’m betting it was a misteress.
No man! It was a succubus!
If by “mistress” you mean “4 dogs” then I agree.
Yeah, if I were married to Tucker Carlson I’d be pretty messed up too.
Heyo
Dude, even small dogs can hog some serious space. 4 dogs? I’m surprised there’s any room left for the fucker and his wife. He probably got scratches falling out of bed.
Holy shit I did not think the alt right could get any fucking dumber.
“I went to bed and woke up next to this unconscious woman… I was in my bed with the wife and dogs at the time, so she must’ve been a demon.”
Yeah, i imagine his wife is pretty vicious.
His boyfriend choked him out too hard? I’m bad at inferences.
I do too. Paranoid delusions
Is it Tucker Carlson has hell hounds for pets?
Tucker Carlson and JD Vance had rough normal gay guy sex and he’s getting ahead of any story and saying it was demon assault.
I can also take part in conspiracies
Tucker made the mistake of dressing up as a couch for Halloween.
He was asking for it!
He was asking for it.
It’s why JD Vance’s pimp handlers slather him in makeup and eyeliner to keep Tucker interested in MAGA. All funded from the top down by Elon Musk who eats babies in a failed and desperate attempt to stay young.
That’s why he makes that many, he has to start numbering them in Xenu…
The demon turned him into a couch
How to explain away the signs of rough gay sex to your wife.
How to explain away the signs of rough
gaybeastial sex to your wife.FTFY
This.
“I got attacked while I was asleep with my wife and four dogs and mauled, physically mauled.” … “I have no idea what happened.”
lol
This is the level of critical thinking that conservative pundits are exercising.
4… FOUR Dogs? Imagine the smell…
I’m actually a bit jealous of his sleeping situation. I don’t mind dogs being “dirty” and I’d prefer 4 dogs (and maybe a wife) to sleeping alone.
Plus he’s rich so nbd to have a huge bed and have your dogs groomed every other day.
He claims the dogs were sleeping but, who knows. 🤷♂️
Knowing dogs, even if they were sleeping they’d be on their feet barking before he could fully get out of bed.
Normal people - I bet my dog accidentally scratch me.
Him- the devil sent his demons to scratch me!
It’s all an act. Carlson is no genius, but he’s not stupid, either. This is all a show he puts on to keep the rubes engaged.
The way he explains this… I don’t know. There are a lot of details regarding how he explains this that makes me believe him. Believe, as in, I believe that he believes he’s telling the truth. He really believes what he is saying. He really doesn’t understand what has happened, and so forth.
It’s all in the way he exposes this. It doesn’t seem like it’s his agenda to do so. He hasn’t tried to since it happened, and he didn’t force it in this interview, it just kind of “came up”. Among other details, e.g. “I don’t care who believes me”, etc.
I don’t know, it’s very curious. Only God knows what happened. 😊
People are saying it’s the dogs, but given that it’s Tucker Carlson I think it’s far more likely that he’s just flat out lying.
If forced to wager, split money between affair and prostitute. Longshot: beaten up by old school influencers.
I dunno. If anyone has the servants of darkness hanging out at their home, it’s this guy.
Dogs will resist if someone tries to fuck them and they’re not into it.
Sounds like he assaulted someone and that news is about to come out. He is preempting that.
You’re telling me this is a real story like in a real news source?
JFC
The fun is this for me is the thought that a supernatural force attacked you in your sleep, you claim it to be a Christian/religious force, and yet at no point does he acknowledge/reflect that maybe his actions may cause scrutiny by his religious beliefs.
Thought process?: “My God created everything, including deamons sent to attack me personally, clearly I am doings gods work”
Yeah seriously! Why does it have to be a Christian supernatural force? It could just be Baba Yaga “reaching out” as it were, to a kindred spirit.
Why couldn’t it be the fae trying to pull him into their world? Or perhaps an evil yokai finally tracked him down?
Maybe his original soul escaped the mirror dimension and was trying to claw its way back into his body!
“so I was sleeping normally when all of a sudden this chicken legged toolshed attacks me”
Cheating on his wife for sure
100%
It’s probably your own demons Fucker. They’ve had enough of your bullshit.
Jesus Buttfucking Christ these people are nuts.
If this is true, what did he do to deserve this. This doesn’t just happen to a good god fearing person. So I guess the real question is, what did he do to deserve this.
This doesn’t just happen to a good god fearing person. Why would this happen if he DIDN’T deserve this. Clearly he lost favor with the good lord and has opened himself up to the devil to be possessed by a demon.
As someone who was raised in a very evangelical household: the (non)-answer is that it happened to him in order to tempt him or test him or some shit. If it happens to a non-god-fearing individual, it’s deserved, otherwise it’s God’s plan all along. Because moving the goal posts is just way too easy.
The real answer is Tucker Carlson is either actually insane or hardcore grifting, but I’m probably preaching to the choir here going down that rabbit hole lol.
I figured my comment would be countered with “justification” as to why. Not you but your explanation and yea preaching my friend.
He’s grifting. He’s no snake-juggling meth-mouthed shitkicker, they’re just part of his audience.
No you see he is like Job in the Bible!!! He’s so righteous God is testing him with demons!!!
-his fans probably
Job has to be one of the more disgusting stories in the Bible… It was the one that I read/was taught about in church as a teen that first made me go “wait a second…”.
From the first time I heard that story, it never sat well with me, and not a single adult was ever able to give me a satisfactory explanation for why it was OK for god to straight up destroy this poor man’s life (a man who was already super dedicated to this god), including literally killing his innocent family, over some petty bet with the actual devil.
That really opened my eyes to what the OT god really was in that book, and I did not like what I saw.
Job is a great work of literature, except that its authors chickened out at the end and close it out by saying “But God can kick nine kinds of shit outta ya, so you’d better just say your hosannas and quit bitching.” Up to that point, there’s a lot in it.
True. I know there will always be a justification and it would be a hard fight to change the minds of those who are being grifted.
I guess Carlson’s soul isn’t worth enough to send a succubus. All he’s worth is a backscratcher.
Anyone who follows Trump has sold their soul to Satan.
But, man, you’re never going to get any truth from us. We’ll tell you anything you want to hear; we lie like hell. We’ll tell you that, uh, Kojak always gets the killer, or that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker’s house, and no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don’t worry, just look at your watch; at the end of the hour he’s going to win. We’ll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man! None of it is true! But you people sit there, day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds… We’re all you know. You’re beginning to believe the illusions we’re spinning here. You’re beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God’s name, you people are the real thing! WE are the illusion! So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the sentence I’m speaking to you now! TURN THEM OFF… [collapses in a prophetic swoon as the audience erupts in thunderous applause]
Howard Beale, Network (1976)
That movie was so very prescient. This -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yuBe93FMiJc
You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won’t have it!! Is that clear?! You think you’ve merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case. The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance!
You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels.
It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU WILL ATONE!
Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale?
You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today.
What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state – Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, minimax solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do.
We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that perfect world in which there’s no war or famine, oppression or brutality – one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock, all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused.
And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.
You(are the)Tube
I see he’s taking a page from Alex Jones’s bible.
Anyway, what are the chances that someone’s going to come forward that Carlson assaulted them and they fought back? Just asking questions.
Alex Jones’s bible
I shudder to think what that thing is filled with.
Leaded cocaine
Boner pills
No it’s missing pages because he needed to snort his boner pills.
and bath salts.
Sea moss these days
deleted by creator
I wouldn’t be shocked if Tucker Carlson 100% believed what he’s saying.
I would be very shocked. He’s a cynical propagandist, not a true believer.
