Ah the ol’ defenestration situation.
[Official KGB Statement]
We are shocked - SHOCKED! - to hear that our esteemed citizen, Vladimir Shklyarov, has taken his final bow on the great stage of life. We cannot stress enough that this was an honest and completely-not-at-all-intentional incident.
It appears (and we’re not saying it’s a coincidence at all) that Mr. Shklyarov was simply… um, reenacting a particularly rambunctious pas de deux with the building itself. Yes, you heard us right - he was doing a dance move so dramatic, so full of life, and so bereft of any actual physical control, that it could have been misinterpreted as an “accident” (we’re sure).
We’ve spoken to his ex-wife, who claims he was trying to “dramatically” exit the apartment by stepping off the balcony (she’s a bit of a drama queen herself, we hear). But we know the truth - he was simply on a mission to break the world record for most consecutive pirouettes in a single building.
The local reports of him being “trapped” in his apartment are, of course, completely fabricated. We’re pretty sure it was just a… creative interpretation of the situation (wink, wink). And as for the painkillers? Oh no, those were just a bit of a… well, we won’t mention that.
We’d like to remind everyone that in Russia, we have a saying: “The show must go on - and sometimes, it’s better to let the curtains come crashing down.” We’re confident that Vladimir would have wanted it that way.
So, in light of this tragic… event (we’ll get to the word ‘tragic’ later), we’d like to propose an official KGB investigation into the “unlucky” circumstances surrounding Mr. Shklyarov’s passing. We’re sure it will be a thorough and completely-not-at-all-biased inquiry.
This is Russia, no joke.
I mean ballet dancers are known for being klutzy and prone to tripping over their own feet. Right?
Happens all the time, it’s why they recommend you don’t practice ballet on slippery roofs.
don’t worry this is just normal tea I offer before I throw you off building
“haha no problem, this is polonium tea”
So many people fall from their windows or balconies in Russia that I am surprised they are still legal
they are still legal
People?!
Someone pushed for a new law outlawing them, but the efforts ended after he accidentally fell off a balcony to his death.
his proposal had quite the impact, they say.
It’s to make the point that they were murdered. It’s a fear tactic with plausible deniability.
It’s like how so many people in America did by hitting bullets with their squishy bodies.
Yes. Everyone is aware of that.
I wasn’t.
Anyone paying attention is.
Every comment in this post, except yours, is proof of that.Oh so now you’re qualifying your previous statement.
I get to use the new tags.
Cool story bro
This is what happens when you loosen up regulations. Bunch of really shoddy sub-par balconies. They practically throw you off them.
You just know that once Trump takes office, a bunch of balconies are just gonna become death traps. Particularly balconies owned by Mexicans, Democrats, members of the “fake news”, and transgender people.
This cisgender male Republican-owned balconies will still be safe. Miraculously.
Turns out Epstein didn’t commit suicide after all: He just fell out of his notoriously unsecured cell window on the basement floor while the cameras were off.
Comrade Putin thanks you for your contribution, we will do as you suggest and make people illegal.
Mandatory murder-windows.
They really have a problem with building safety standards.
Ballet stars, and their notoriously poor balance.
A nice window to the future for US citizens critical of their government… a window ripe for defenestration…
If I die mysteriously from a fall, please refer to this comment.
Actually you will probably die in a Tesla whose doors do not open https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/friends-trapped-in-tesla-burned-to-death-when-electronic-doors-failed-to-open-after-crash/ar-AA1tWPYH
Or which just hits you: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/06/10/tesla-autopilot-crashes-elon-musk/
I mean now where Teslas are probably the next mandatory car for state officials. And after some “Think Tank” will be pretty sure that all the saftey fuss about autopilots is bad for the economy.
I’m afraid that in the future they will try to require self-driving in all cars, citing some bs about how self-driving is “safer” (in theory, and under perfect conditions)
Actually, legislating that FSD be required in all cars would go a huge way towards shoring up all the problems with it. The most dangerous thing on the road is another living human, and computers can’t adjust for the inherent chaos that we living humans bring to the road. Remove the humans and you have a way smaller problem to solve.
Teslas especially can’t cope, and keep running over kids and cop cars because Musk has forbidden them from installing the proper technology to solve their problem. LIDAR isn’t a magic bullet for this but it’s pretty damn close, and it’s way way better than just using visual sensors only. Elon is just so high on his own farts that he won’t allow Tesla to use LIDAR on their cars, despite every other FSD-attempting manufacturer seeing great returns from it and rapidly outpacing Tesla’s first mover advantage. But they’re trying to solve the wrong problem, making a car see and drive like a person. People are terrible at driving. They need to make the car drive like a computer. If all cars were required to have FSD and humans weren’t allowed to drive anymore we’d have a functioning auto-pool within 10 years. Maybe less than that if measures were put in place to ensure cross-car communication on the road. If every car within 100 meters of you is sharing sensor data and telling each other their speed, heading, and braking, you’d never see another car-to-car accident in your life.
Point being, we already have the technology to solve this problem, what we don’t have is the technology to solve this problem on the same roads that people are already driving on, weaving around their old manually-controlled cars that they’re driving in. Building FSD-only roads could solve this. Changing motor vehicle laws could solve this. But neither of those are going to solve it without significant headache or push back from the public. The real problem is that we’re trying to solve both “cars can’t drive themselves” and “people drive like rabid orangutans” problems at the same time. Remove one of those problems - say by restricting or removing manual driving - and suddenly a proper solution is easily within grasp.
Please note that I am NOT saying that this is a good idea, not least of which because myself and most people I know drive a 20-40 year old car and would be unable to switch to a new self driving car unless the government literally provided me one and bought my old car. And if we DID try to enact that across the country we’d run out of g-men in the first week because they’d all be shot dead by farmers and truck bros when they showed up to try and repossess the vehicles. Not to mention the fact that a government provided car is inherently untrustable by anyone, anywhere. The logistics on this would just be insane, and the best case way to tackle it would be to phase it in like they did with backup cameras. But there’s a problem here. Every new car may be FSD-enabled but the FSD they have won’t be able to be used - because the road is still full of live dumb-ass primates. So 25 years down the line maybe 94% of cars still on the road are now FSD enabled but nobody has ever used the damn thing and most people probably aren’t going to want to start then. So at this point you’ve only sort of solved the distribution problem (although not really, even then, because a single human-operated car on the road can fuck up everything for all the automated cars by acting unpredictably and potentially not being linked in, and there will always, always be at least one poor bastard driving a 50 year old beat-to-fuck Toyota no matter when or where you are) and we run right back into the same societal adaptation problem we had before, just with the can kicked down the road.
So like, tl;dr, this wouldn’t be an awful idea if we weren’t all human beings. I guess that’s true of a lot of things. If we could just do it in one big flush and just tell people “this is the way things are now” and have them listen and cooperate, it’d be a great solution. But as with many things it’s the “getting people on board with the plan” part of the plan that makes it, in my opinion, soundly impossible.
Aaand I’ve just spent the better part of half an hour talking myself into a circle to basically agree with you. Lovely. Cheers 🍻
The idea of FSD cars being safe if there are no human drivers is true only if you abandon the nice thought of having cyclists and pedestrians. Having the option to walk or ride a bike is amazing and worth aspiring to.
Self-driving cars are safer, in general, overall - it’s just that the specific cases in which they fail are different from anything a (halfway competent and alert) person would fail at.
Self-driving cars are safer, in general, overall
Self driving cars in general, maybe. Teslas in particular, probably not so much, especially with Musk refusing to use LIDAR…
People assess risks differently based on what the results could be. Burning to death trapped in a car is pretty high on the “avoid this” list, and americans likely are asking “if I get hit by a Tesla who do I sue?” If the answer is Tesla then thats a much higher risk than if its the person in the drivers seat.
Its about ehat types of mistakes can happen and how they are handled. Many prefer gas automobiles as they consider them less risky.
They’ll just “find drugs” in your car. Local police forces will be able to link information profiles on you to license plate readers. They’ll get an alert for a “liberal” coming into their town and pull you over under some small premise like you were “swerving.”
A window to the present for journalists critical of Israel.
You may want to check the history of your country. It’s your past your present and your future.
Russia be slippery. My heart goes out to these rare brave souls in a land of cowards.
Give it 2 months for the US
The US would never do this. Too much money to be made in the prison industry with legalized slavery. Much better investment to put them behind bars to generate profit.
That’s the second addition this week: Suspicious deaths of notable Russians
“Fell out of window.”
“He was on the ground floor.”
“Fell out of window and face-planted twenty-six times.”
It’s only Tuesday
How long before windows make it to the statistics of average deaths per-year in Russia?
Why do you think Microsoft left the Russian market?
Good comrades run Astra.
I honestly wonder if the Kremlin figured the ratio of trained military personnel to dissidents needed to keep pushing people out of buildings.
In another article emergency services responded with this gem.
He died a natural death. It’s not a crime.
cause of death: the natural impact of cement on the body experienced after a perfectly natural fall
Gravity, is natural, no?
Lead is too
Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
This isn’t funny.
You’re just blessed enough not to recognize gallows humor. We’re actually jealous of you.
make sure you check your railings in America before January.
Everyone else is stocking up on food and drugs.
I’m stocking up on steel railings and evacuation air pads.
Unfortunately anti-russian racism is acceptable here. When you see a headline like this, just be ready for the comments.
Criticising a government isn’t racism. If you criticise a country’s government it doesn’t mean you hate every person who lives in that country.
It’s not racism to point out that a surprising number of Putin critics have died from falling from tall buildings.
Vladimir Shklyarov:
https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/vladimir-shklyarov-death-st-petersburg-ballet-star-fall/Dan Rapoport:
https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2022/08/26/dan-rapoport-putin-critic-was-it-suicide-00053836Pavel Antov:
https://www.businessinsider.com/putin-critic-pavel-antov-dies-falling-out-hotel-window-2022-12I think the comment meant to point out that these humorous take on a tragedy are only accepted as part of a russiophobic perspective. I tend to agree, although I don’t find it offensive I understand that similar comments on for example, the killing of a ukranian ballet dancer, would be seen differently by all of us. Hence, the xenophobia. Ukranian is western and we relate.
“The last thing a fish notices is the existance of water”
Just changing the victim nationality makes it palatable for jokes, that’s something that calls for observation
Gallows humor about the suspicious deaths of people critical of an oligarchy is not racism.
Unless you are a wilfully credulous root vegetable of a person.
Russia isn’t a race.
It’s a failed state, ruled by a corrupt dictator.
Just like America in a couple months.
Do you seriously think Russian is a race?
I agree this isn’t racism against Russians.
But also, let’s not be pedantic. A nation can be discriminated against, any group of people can be. That’s what they meant by racism. They used it more broadly and that’s ok, I’m sure even you understood what they meant. What term would you use to be more precise?
When the government of a nation becomes notorious for pushing people out of windows because they disagree with the way they run their government- jokes will be made.
That is human nature.
People bag on America all the time. Do you rush to the aid of those disparaged by jokes about fat, bacon-eating school shooters? Or are you selective about who you chose to defend?
You’re trying to convince the person who agreed in the first place, this isn’t discriminatory.
I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything. The only term that would be more precise is the one I used already:
Human nature.
What exactly was racist?
And who said it’s funny. I’m confused
TIL Russian is a race
You need to update your vocabulary comrade. There may be new definitions of the word racism. Remember literally no longer only literally means literally. What a time we live in.
Pro-Russian comment meant to wield the left’s propensity to over-diagnose racism to redirect and distract.
I’d more call it politicism, as it’s more criticizing the political state and not someones origin/heritage.
Stay on the ground floor, Russians.
“Tragically fell from the ground floor balcony and landed on two bullets to the back of the head.”
Heart attacks happens on every floor.
So do poisonings, and shootings but we’re just mitigating circumstances here lol.
There could always be a feral bullet that has ran away from it’s gun!
They don’t have any budget to do it differently or it’s a power move, like, it’s not official but you know it?
It’s a calling card. Everyone knows what happened, not a single soul will comment on it. Unless they fancy being the next up for flight lessons.
I wonder how Red Bull sales are in Russia.
What do you think Trump’s calling card will be? McDonalds induced heart attack?
Government issued tesla drove into a lake and drowned the occupants.
Bronze stained ligature marks the size of a child’s hands around the neck of anyone who openly opposed him.
Without the textbook.
Happy Cakeday! 🍰🎂
Power move. That and shooting yourself, in the back, multiple times.
