I dated and had boyfriends in high school but I only ever went as far as giving them blow jobs, tbf I gave a lot, but I didn’t want to just give away sex so easily.

  • GentlewestOPEnglish
    3·
    28 days ago

    You make valid points. I guess it’s a kind of abstract concept when it comes to sexual contact.

    For me personally, not trying to gate keep, I found the idea of having full on PIV sex to be a much bigger step than elements of foreplay whether or not they lead to climax.

    I always, and still do, view blow jobs as much more casual action than allowing a man to penetrat my vagina. It can be equally loving, equally intense, equally romantic, equally erotic, but to me and my sexuality it’s not as big of a step to suck a guy than it is to have full on penetrative sex.

    • southsamurai@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      3·
      28 days ago

      I get what you mean, for sure. It makes total sense on every level.

      And I actually agree that PIV sex is going to be more intimate than oral. For me, that’s because it’s all of the associated meanings rather than the act itself. As in, sex makes babies, and there are social mores around it that are different. Making the decision to have piv sex takes a little extra thought, even when it is casual and condoms are used. It’s a different kind of sex.

      I don’t know how much my view of what constitutes sex for the purposes of virginity is based in my male bias. Or how much is from being hetero. Maybe my take would be different if one or both of those changed.

      • GentlewestOPEnglish
        4·
        28 days ago

        We can only ever truly view the world from our own perspective. Obviously we can empathise with others but only really understand our own experience.

        I think a lot of my thought process about sex being a bigger deal than playing around was it felt so submissive. Like the physical act of a dick entering my pussy is by definition submission, a man has literally entered my body for pleasure, I’ve given him my body in it’s entirety.

        Obviously having a dick in my mouth or when guys had fingered me there was penetration but it just didn’t feel psychologically the same.

        I think that led me to consider respect. I was going with guys and playing around enjoying each other’s bodies and sexuality but I always felt like I could have been anyone, they were just happy to be getting their dicks sucked or to feel up my boobs, they could have been anyone’s boobs they’re weren’t special because they were mine and I wanted that first time fully with a guy to be special. I wanted it to be me he was having sex with not just random pussy #382.

        I liked playing with boys, I liked them touching my body and I loved pleasuring them with my mouth but I wanted the next level to be something more than playing around.

        • southsamurai@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          4·
          28 days ago

          That’s a beautiful way to look at it, thank you.

          It really is an expressive and compelling idea, the way you explained your internal perspective.