The Buddha teaches that desire is the root of all suffering. Abandon the desire and you abandon the suffering.
Envy is resenting another person for having what you think you lack, but the resentment comes from you, not from them. They are doing nothing wrong.
You feel resentment because you feel bad about not having something, not them having it. After all, if you both had it then you wouldn’t feel bad, would you? It’s a lack of self-esteem and a glut of self-hatred that you’re really fighting. Resentment is just a projection of that feeling outwards instead of inwards. It’s much easier to dislike them because then you don’t have to confront what it is about yourself that you dislike.
It’s ok to see someone and want what they have, as long as you can let that feeling go. Acknowledge it, embrace it, and then release it. Acknowledge that any negativity comes from how you feel about yourself, not them. Acknowledge this your self-hatred is a problem you can solve, and then do something to solve it.
I agree it comes from a lack of self-esteem, but I don’t understand how to increase self-esteem.
Oh, buddy, that’s not something you should be asking an NSFW messageboard about. Porn isn’t going to make that any better if you’re struggling with envy and resentment. Unless you’re a genetic 1%er, it’ll probably make it worse. My advice? Find a good therapist. That’s the most straightforward path to helping yourself.
I tried therapy but she just listened to what I said then said “it sounds like you’re saying” and repeated what I said. It was really tedious and uncomfortable.
That was the opening provided to you by the therapist to expand/clarify what you just said to her and to explore that topic in-depth. But if she then simply repeats that same “it sounds…” to your desire to go deeper, then it’s time to find a new person…
I guess, but its hard for me to think of how to fill that without some guidance
For me, self esteem came with age and from my profession. Find something you are good at.
The problem of wanting to look like someone hotter only gets worse as you age. Heck, I’d sacrifice a unicorn to have your body and skin. But as there are no unicorns left, the best I can do is eat healthy, work out etc.
In school I was the nerd near the bottom of the social ladder. Then I studied computer science and suddenly people wanted to have me on their team and asked for my opinion on things.
Another boost for my self esteem came after I accepted that I am attracted to men.
Everybody I knew had a girlfriend, even the boring and ugly guys. Me having no girlfriend must mean that I was more boring and uglier than them. In reality, I simply wasn’t attracted to girls enough to really pursue them.
For me, self esteem came with age and from my profession. Find something you are good at.
The problem is I’m a little bit good at some stuff but not that good.
The problem of wanting to look like someone hotter only gets worse as you age.
I know :(
Heck, I’d sacrifice a unicorn to have your body and skin.
Thanks but its just lighting and angles.
Another boost for my self esteem came after I accepted that I am attracted to men.
Idk for me that makes me more insecure because I feel like straight guys on average put less effort into their appearance but I’m in competition with really way more attractive than me gay guys.
