So… let’s talk about my last post.
I got A LOT of comments telling me to gain weight and that I look unhealthy.
Any comments like that from not on will earn you a block. I understand you’re coming from a place of concern- but I am active on being healthy.
I don’t weigh myself, I eat when I’m hungry, I eat a lot of fresh food, I love cooking and baking, I love swimming, I love being out in the sunshine, I eat too much sugar.
Don’t make me feel weird about my weight. I deal with that enough in real life.
I think there’s something about “skinny shaming” that gets under my skin. I understand people don’t think it’s a problem because where the insult being called skinny? But it’s just… don’t bring it up to me anyway. As long as I’m healthy I’m happy!
It’s no different to any other kind of body shaming, you’re totally right. I don’t think just “ignoring it” is the right approach - speaking out and telling people that what they’re saying is inappropriate and unasked for is great, if you can.
It’s especially difficult having these discussions in adult spaces, where a very specific kind of comment style prevails. Good on you for speaking up for yourself. I’m sorry you had to deal with some people massively overstepping.
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I saw the edit! Thank you!
And yes. This is not a safe space for body shaming. I will shame you back.
I’ve only told one person on here that they should “gain weight”. It was this red headed chick with an only fans. In one pic where she was sitting all bunched up she looked fine, but there was another picture of her standing up where she looked very ummmmmm Eugenia Cooneyesque?
Like, you could see all her bones and joints and stuff. It was bad enough that my partner and I had a long discussion about how foul it must be to have your money be tied to an unhealthy body situation. As always though, my words in regards to someone’s body are just a suggestion.
Which brings me to my final point. You are a grown ass woman. Which means you are free to do with your body as you please. Don’t listen to other people about your body. “My body my choice” isn’t just a chant for women’s healthcare. It’s every adult human’s s right. Do what makes you happy.
Your “suggestion” might have triggered serious mental health issues. What if that person has, or has had, an eating disorder? What if they feel genuinely pleased by their progress they’ve made in that area, and you make them feel like they haven’t progressed at all?
What if your comment then triggered them to think they were underweight, and was the tipping point to a breakdown after repeated pointed comments from online commenters, friends and family?
Basically, keep it to yourself.
I get what you’re saying. But the reality of life is that you can’t go around thinking “what if” all the time. I mean, what if I said that and she got help? The fact is that we’ll never know, and the reality is that probably she didn’t pay any attention to what I said and is still doing what she was doing.
Nobody is getting their first insight into having a mental health condition from comments they read on porn they’ve posted. There are enough social connections in most people’s lives for them to have heard it all before.
If somebody is actively promoting practises that are damaging to mental health, then it’s reasonable to speak up so other viewers don’t think it’s good. If they’re not, they almost certainly have a much clearer view of the situation than a commenter seeing their pictures online.
Once again, I’m not disagreeing with you. However, as someone that has been in a ummmmmm “situation” before. Sometimes, even when we know we are in a situation, and people close to us know we are in a situation. We think we can still fool people that don’t know us personally.
I’m not pretending to know her “situation”. After all, for all we know that is how she likes her body and sees nothing wrong with it. For all we know she collects comments like mine as a badge of honor, and prints them out. Maybe hanging them on the wall in some secret room in her house that nobody else knows about. Who knows.
I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m also not agreeing with you. The fact is we don’t know, and it’s kind of pointless to theorize what the impact of a comment from an internet stranger is.
Here’s a fun true story. So the year is 2009. Me and my now partner are on heroin real bad. Partner does cam shows to support our habit. One of my partners “clients” claims to be bassist for deathcab for cutie, and gets us front row seats when band comes to town. Another “client” doesn’t want to see sex stuff. They just want to watch us shoot up. Sends money PayPal I go get dope. We get on camera and shoot up. This guy pays for our habit almost daily for a few months.
My point is. I’ve seen the abuse firsthand from internet Johns. If that chick is so thin skinned that someone telling her that she should “gain some weight” breaks her. Then porn probably isn’t the place for her.
I’m all for fostering a positive body situation, but there are a lot of really messed up people out there. You have to be thick skinned if you want to get naked for a living. Because some guys just want to watch the world burn.
So imma weigh in…
Weight has so much baggage connected to it. Being too thin- being too large. Regardless what gender you are… there’s always something to be said. There’s no winning and it’s bullshit. I decided long ago I’m not going to change my body for anyone but myself.
Unfortunately not everyone else has come to that conclusion. I will not tolerate any form of body shaming. I want to be involved in a community that won’t tolerate it. There are so many contributing factors to someone’s weight; mental health, physical health, drug use, diet restrictions, genetics. Unless we KNOW that someone is engaging in unhealthy behaviours- let’s keep our mouths shut.
Also. Thanks for the comments. Printing them out right now.
I think you have the right attitude. I’m old as hell in internet years. I have been very in shape. I have been skinny. I have been fat, and now I have a dad bod. I am a millennial that has lived over half their life. I’m not trying to attract anyone.
You shouldn’t put up with anyone putting you down. Your body is perfect the way it is. I am subscribed to 1 porn community. It’s Indian girls, and it’s because the women there aren’t perfect by western standards, but they are the most realistic examples of women I’ve seen on the internet. At least around here.
Anyway, I have to take kids to school. You seem like you have a pretty good head on you shoulders. Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about the rest. There will always be people to criticize your choices, but you have to block them out.
I hope you have a great week.
Thank you.
Also thank you for taking the time and having a conversation about this tricky topic.
We all want to be treated well and with kindness regardless of how we look. I hope the school run is surprisingly enjoyable and that your week is filled with yum treats
I love you and everything you stand for. As a tall, skinny dude myself, it makes me feel validated that someone is standing up for this. Like, you’re a model, but not all of us are, sometimes people are born with high metabolism, and it’s not a problem that I’m perpetually skinny.
The love is absolutely reciprocated!
We’re all just people who wanna be treated nicely. Regardless of body and looks.