I dated and had boyfriends in high school but I only ever went as far as giving them blow jobs, tbf I gave a lot, but I didn’t want to just give away sex so easily.
I dated and had boyfriends in high school but I only ever went as far as giving them blow jobs, tbf I gave a lot, but I didn’t want to just give away sex so easily.
Define virginity. Seriously, what do we count?
I count oral in which the goal is orgasm for the recipient (as opposed to being foreplay, or where it won’t be taken to orgasm). But what about folks that can’t do oral? Does manual count for them? Or do they have to take a cock, whether or not they want one?
Just something to think about as answers roll in.
If we go by your standard, maybe a dozen. I was engaged in various levels of sexual activity that went as far as oral sex well before high school. I was rather precocious and had the good luck to have known other people willing to explore in a friendly way.
By my standards, where the goal was orgasm from oral, it’s about half that, because once I discovered I could do that and make someone very happy, I was quite willing and eager. As the recipient, if my memory isn’t failing me, my achieving orgasm came a bit later (pun intended) since I discovered over time that it takes me forever to achieve orgasm from oral.
I don’t refer to ages when discussing this subject, because I don’t want to feed any fantasies, but I was in jr high the first time I ejaculated from oral sex. The young lady I was exploring such things with had prior experience, and knew that some guys can take a long time, and enjoyed (or said she enjoyed and then did a very good job of acting like she did) performing oral.
Tbh, even back then, the idea of virginity was weird to me. I knew there was a lot of stuff you could do, so why did only a penis in a vagina count? Once I discovered that gay folks existed, the whole idea just got destroyed for me. It didn’t take me long to figure out what they did together, and surely all of that counted for them, so why wouldn’t it count for straights?
But, I have come to the conclusion that virginity isn’t act based, it’s intent and consent based. If the people involved are able to, and do, consent; then any time they engage in activities that have sexual gratification, aka orgasm, as the goal, that’s gotta count.
You make valid points. I guess it’s a kind of abstract concept when it comes to sexual contact.
For me personally, not trying to gate keep, I found the idea of having full on PIV sex to be a much bigger step than elements of foreplay whether or not they lead to climax.
I always, and still do, view blow jobs as much more casual action than allowing a man to penetrat my vagina. It can be equally loving, equally intense, equally romantic, equally erotic, but to me and my sexuality it’s not as big of a step to suck a guy than it is to have full on penetrative sex.
I get what you mean, for sure. It makes total sense on every level.
And I actually agree that PIV sex is going to be more intimate than oral. For me, that’s because it’s all of the associated meanings rather than the act itself. As in, sex makes babies, and there are social mores around it that are different. Making the decision to have piv sex takes a little extra thought, even when it is casual and condoms are used. It’s a different kind of sex.
I don’t know how much my view of what constitutes sex for the purposes of virginity is based in my male bias. Or how much is from being hetero. Maybe my take would be different if one or both of those changed.
We can only ever truly view the world from our own perspective. Obviously we can empathise with others but only really understand our own experience.
I think a lot of my thought process about sex being a bigger deal than playing around was it felt so submissive. Like the physical act of a dick entering my pussy is by definition submission, a man has literally entered my body for pleasure, I’ve given him my body in it’s entirety.
Obviously having a dick in my mouth or when guys had fingered me there was penetration but it just didn’t feel psychologically the same.
I think that led me to consider respect. I was going with guys and playing around enjoying each other’s bodies and sexuality but I always felt like I could have been anyone, they were just happy to be getting their dicks sucked or to feel up my boobs, they could have been anyone’s boobs they’re weren’t special because they were mine and I wanted that first time fully with a guy to be special. I wanted it to be me he was having sex with not just random pussy #382.
I liked playing with boys, I liked them touching my body and I loved pleasuring them with my mouth but I wanted the next level to be something more than playing around.
That’s a beautiful way to look at it, thank you.
It really is an expressive and compelling idea, the way you explained your internal perspective.