Nothing wrong with you.

After “the fappening” I rapidly lost interest in pornography in general, to the extent that it is very often a turn off. Not always, because there are some people that freely share themselves, and that bypasses what bothers me about porn. And, I still very much enjoy erotic art, be it visual or written.

Most of the porn out there is made for money, and it shows in the product. You get low quality crap that wears thin eventually that’s part of why people tend to start seeking more extreme porn. Higher quality porn takes longer to get worn out on, and when the low quality stuff already chases more extreme features, the road to excess is slippery.

But a chat with another person? Sharing sexual content directly with the intent that that person enjoy it, even if they’re anonymous? That’s porn gold, whether it’s fully text based or includes visuals. It feeds a different hunger. A hunger for meaningful sexualized contact.

Whether we like it or not, the “dirtier” language gets, the more change it brings to the interaction. This isn’t a bad thing. It can be a very good thing. But it may not be the thing you need, it may not feed the right hunger, and your subconscious is likely telling you that.

Which, I even consider porn part of that, though I’m less confident in my opinion there. Because porn has shifted so much over the decades since it started to be readily accessible (vhs started the shift, and it went fast as the internet took over), the kind of fake performances that become the norm for quickly made and distributed product etch themselves into our brains.

So, when someone says “oh, fuck my tight little pussy”, it’s impossible to take it at face value. If you’ve used porn at all over the last thirty years, things like that become associated with the fakeness of porn. It’s not that people in real life don’t talk like that, they can and do. It’s more that as time passes, it becomes more likely they’re saying it because they heard it in porn first. So it feels fake, even if it’s perfectly genuine; even if the reason they’re using it is due to it it turning them on because it’s a porn thing.

And, gods, so much porn is over the top to begin with. It’s inorganic, so there’s always the awareness that real sex isn’t like that. You don’t just shove a ten inch long, two inch thick cock into an anus with no prep work. When that’s the standard, where it isn’t really sex, it’s a special effect (not literally, butt still), our minds notice.

Once you start feeling all that fakeness, even making a nice video for someone else becomes part of this artificiality.

My advice? Invest in some written erotica. Make your brain shift over to thinking sexy without a link to images. See if that “resets” things. Or try just fantasizing. I dunno how old you are, but us older folks, porn was a rarity. You might find an old playboy, or penthouse, just enough to give you the idea of what the anatomy was like, and then you’d have to imagine the rest. But if you weren’t lucky in regards to access, you made do just with ideas.

It isn’t better than porn, it isn’t some morally superior thing. But it’s different. The mind is our most potent erogenous zone, and the more you rely on it, the more free you are to choose to use porn rather than just chasing it. It’s like the cardiovascular workout of sex. If your mind game isn’t A tier, everything else suffers.

Worst case scenario, you try switching to written erotica and/or fantasy, and nothing changes. You aren’t any worse off. But it may give you the reset you need to find joy in sexuality again

Nothing wrong with you

Some people like to publicly have their little fantasy wank,

Others do it in private messages

Do you want to woo women? Do you want to have sex? Or are you looking for an emotional connection, rather than a physical one?

You might want to check out the Ace (asexual) communities here on Lemmy. I feel like they might have some better answers for you.

I don’t think you are going to shock anyone on the ask NSFW, if you are worried about it. Maybe you would prefer written erotica, stories? If you don’t like pictures or chat?