Hello,
I’m a 49M cishet Master, been in the community about 24 years in Texas. I’m always looking for new things I can learn. I teach communication and fire play among other things. I also volunteer with a program to mentor Doms.
I would love to talk to you about that. I’ve been wanting to explore my Dom tendencies, and I could really use some advice.
Are you in Texas? In Austin and Dallas we have formal training programs for both Doms and subs. It’s a year-long program, roughly one Saturday a month with lots of homework, that runs Dec to Dec. It’s super cheap, document fee and 8 hours of volunteer time. It is a lot of work. Class size is about 30 people. All the instructors/mentors are volunteers. None of us get paid.
I also run a for-pay academy for folks who can’t afford to be recognized (politicians mostly) but it’s not cheap.
I’m hoping this group can supplement or replace r/bdsmadvice for specific questions. What do you want advice on?
I’m not in Texas — I’m located in New York. Just far enough from the city to make it impractical as a resource for learning, and rather sparsely populated. Not a lot of opportunities to meet with like-minded people.
As I mentioned before, I’m still in the process of discovering my Dom tendencies. I have a playmate who’s an experienced sub. Our schedules only align every several weeks or so. She says my instincts are good, but I’d like to be more confident and able to lead her through the sorts of experiences she desires. I guess I need to look for a course like yours.
There are a ton of good books out there, but mainly I would say just practice. Be gentle with yourself. Communicate a lot. You’re going to make mistakes and that’s ok. Make sure your sub is on the same page.
The New Topping Book is a good place to start. If you get more into the mental aspects I like pretty much everything from Raven Kaldera. Robert Rubel (Dr Bob) has some good stuff but he can be a little dry. I have met Raven on several occasions, he tours the country teaching kink. Dr Bob I’m proud to call a friend. I would also recommend reading the stickies in the Submissive Women forum on Fetlife, there’s a lot of good insight into the minds of submissves there.